In taking a step...

Why do we push ourselves each day to undertake actions that we do not want to, that hold no meaning for us (whether or not material)?

I could never compete in the rat race, as cannot very many people I know (including some close friends I've had the immense pleasure of first meeting on the blogosphere). We just aren't built that way. Whilst a whole lot of us would do well in the rat race, likely even stand out from our peers, competing isn't what some of us want to do... at all. We simply want to pursue something that makes sense, i.e. gives us joy, peace and satisfaction. And we do not want to undertake it primarily to stand out in the crowd.

I'm reading bits on existentialism and nihilism and am happy to have figured that I fall on the existentialist side, having as I do a fair sense of morality. I do not bear nihilists any grudge; I'm simply saying its not me.

Yet, we continue to undertake activities we have yet to make our peace with. Call it responsibility, call it a comfort zone or simply a confused state of being. But I'm happy with my mid-Life crisis. Because I know I just love my Life a little too much to compromise on its beauty - potential or realised. My dreams made me who I was, now they aren't there any more. Either I find the ability to dream again or acknowledge that Life can continue to be beautiful without having dreams to pursue. Maybe the dreams came on during a phase of my Life where I needed them. Perhaps now, I will find that I can detach myself from such a comfort zone. This directionless, rudderless phase in my Life could likely be viewed as an opportunity to move another step on the ladder of moksha.